Americano-Lady Gaga
Album: Born This Way
On the topic of music: this is one of my favorite songs from the album, and I’ve been singing this song alone with Scheibe and Hair on the car drive over. I just feel that this song speaks the truth. ‘I don’t speak your language, oh no.’ Lately, it feels like I speak, but nobody understands me, except for one person. Thank you (you know who you are).
My parents and I don’t speak the same language anymore, and it’s sad. They say that I’m a horrid child in one instance when I’m not doing everything that they demand, and in the next, when they need me and I’m there like I’ve always been, they make it seem like they’re surprised. “You’ve really come through” they say, and “You’re really coming in to your own, this means so much.” etc. Just because I help you when you need it, it doesn’t mean that you can treat me like crap in the between times. I’ll always be there for you guys, you’re my parents. Just treat me like an adult, I’m an individual, not a clone of a younger and better you. Sorry.
So, my mom’s been doing badly again. Her health’s all over the place, and people tell me not to beat myself up about it. I can’t really help it. I just feel bad because there’s nothing I can do but be there and support her. Sometimes that’s not good enough.
Every time her health gets this bad,(heart issues), I wonder if this’ll be the last time I see her and tell her I love her. I can’t help but feel like there’s something else that I could do, but even the doctors don’t really know what’s wrong. All they can do at this point in time is to address the symptoms and hope that they are controlled. :sigh:
On top of not being able to do anything about her health, she sends me away to take care of some family business two hours away.
I hope that by the time I conclude business and get home tomorrow, she’s feeling better. :crosses fingers: If I prayed, I would. Sadly, I don’t really feel it :<
