On the topic of music: this is one of my favorite songs from the album, and I’ve been singing this song alone with Scheibe and Hair on the car drive over. I just feel that this song speaks the truth. ‘I don’t speak your language, oh no.’ Lately, it feels like I speak, but nobody understands me, except for one person. Thank you (you know who you are).
My parents and I don’t speak the same language anymore, and it’s sad. They say that I’m a horrid child in one instance when I’m not doing everything that they demand, and in the next, when they need me and I’m there like I’ve always been, they make it seem like they’re surprised. “You’ve really come through” they say, and “You’re really coming in to your own, this means so much.” etc. Just because I help you when you need it, it doesn’t mean that you can treat me like crap in the between times. I’ll always be there for you guys, you’re my parents. Just treat me like an adult, I’m an individual, not a clone of a younger and better you. Sorry.
So, my mom’s been doing badly again. Her health’s all over the place, and people tell me not to beat myself up about it. I can’t really help it. I just feel bad because there’s nothing I can do but be there and support her. Sometimes that’s not good enough.
Every time her health gets this bad,(heart issues), I wonder if this’ll be the last time I see her and tell her I love her. I can’t help but feel like there’s something else that I could do, but even the doctors don’t really know what’s wrong. All they can do at this point in time is to address the symptoms and hope that they are controlled. :sigh:
On top of not being able to do anything about her health, she sends me away to take care of some family business two hours away.
I hope that by the time I conclude business and get home tomorrow, she’s feeling better. :crosses fingers: If I prayed, I would. Sadly, I don’t really feel it :<
I sometimes feel like my parents say that they love me, no matter how crazy I get or how different my opinions are and how different my lifestyle is, but I really doubt them sometimes. They say things that are so hurtful, and they either don’t realize it, or they’re saying things like this to try to mold me into the person that they want me to be. I don’t think they realize that I’m too headstrong to be changed if I don’t want to make a change, and that the more they push at me, the more I’ll distance myself.
“Why can’t I be who I want to be. I just want to be myself and I want you to love me for who I am. I just want to be myself, and I want you to know that I am ahead.”-Hair- Lady Gaga
I love my parents dearly, and I know they love me, but things just get so stressful that I feel like I’m losing the close ties that I have to them. After years and years of them pushing and pulling at me, telling me that the only ‘right’ opinion is theirs, and that their opinion is the ‘only one’, or that it’s what ‘the world thinks is right’. Maybe my opinion is different, and they need to learn to respect that or they will eventually lose me.
This song is so trippy, I can’t wait to go out for a walk while listening to it. I wonder where this song will take me :3
Some songs take me on different roads, some longer and some shorter. Usually they end at the same destination: A graveyard. Literally. But it’s one of my favorite places. I’m not quite sure why, I just feel at peace there.
I Return!: Anywhoo, I’ve been spamming like crazy because I’ve decided that Tumblr is safe enough for me to surf again. My computer (a month ago or so) had the harddrive crash and die. Aaand I had a few trojans, not to mention my poor computer was infected with viruses and cookies and adware, etc. So, I haven’t been allowed to browse DeviantArt anymore, which makes me very sad: it was the source of those trojans. :<
I’ve been up to: Nothing much, downloading music, musing on people and things, and health issues…the usual! I re-read the Harry Potter series in about maybe 8 days..? :D I’m so excited for the movie to come out.
Recently I’ve seen:
X-Men: First Class
My great grandmother recently turned 100, so congrats Gramama! Remember your promise to live till I get married!!! lol
As for video games:…I’ve been playing Pokemon Black, Okami (Wii), Rune Factory: Frontier (Wii), aaaand the Sims III (pc). :3 There;s this new game out there called Rocksmith, it’s coming out in October….it actually teaches you how to play guitar…Unlike RockBand and Guitar Hero, it actually requires a real guitar with an output. MAN I gotta get this. I’m foaming at the mouth, it’s bad..like fountain bad. >:E